The years of being young - so carefree and careless,
Painting in the backyard with my little fingers,
Squinting up to the sky watching birds soar to anywhere,
Not a thought through my mind to disturb the moment.
This was my world, not a care and completely at ease,
My family - so big and strong, would let nothing happen to me.
I am a child, with an innocent and naive approach to everything,
Safeguarded by the knowledge of nothing,
Safeguaded by the lack of fear in life.
My only concerns were having to do homework,
Who I could play handball with,
And if dinner was going to be as delicious as the last.
I didn't know there was a future as such,
Because what I saw, felt, heard, tasted at that moment,
Was truly all that existed.
So I lay at night, gently close my eyes,
And in a matter of time I am a few years older.
A troubled teen listening to heavy rock,
Dressing with attitude because I, well, had attitude!
It was my way or the highway, and all that mattered
Was getting drunk underaged at the local park,
Looking cool to other kids,
Making parents and school teachers' lives hell,
Trying to prove I was no longer a child.
It was sayings like "fully", "rad" and "goes off",
And dressing differently
Which made me mature (oh so mature).
The future was something 'old' people looked at,
For it didn't matter much to me...
I was never getting old.
So I lay one afternoon and doze off for awhile,
And wake up to another few years...
I'm a little bit older now,
But I still can't help but still have a few traits
That lingered on throughout my late teens.
Partying still matters,
And anyone who doesn't like dance music is beyond old.
I can, like, totally drink you under the table,
And I'm so proud to say!
I want to be mature, but I constantly behave
Like a kid.
I want so much to think about the future,
But I'm just not ready yet.
I still argue with those who have 'been through what I have',
But to me it's just I'm struggling to understand life.
Finally, life is in question -
What the hell am I to do with it?
I cry so much, I'm a little sad, a little lost,
So unaware and so unsure,
So incomplete without a logical reason,
So confused and yet - still like a little kid.
So I lay down and shed a tear,
Until I am asleep.
I awaken... to 'now'... the amazing 'now'.
It seems that at a certain point you realise,
Life is just what it is, and I am content with that.
It's not that you don't put in the effort to 'do and be',
But life doesn't have to be stressful, or make you angry.
The questions it posed to me during the younger years
Were finally answered - not in my time, but life's time.
It's not about being rich, successful and better,
Okay... it is, but in a personal sense.
To me life is about experiences,
And understanding why the hell we face them.
Life is about love, family, learning, being,
Kindness, passion, self-acceptance, an inner peace,
Knowledge, gratefulness, decisions, strength,
Building a good life with just that which you need,
Building relationships that you could not live without,
Building wisdom that you can pass on through to your old age.
I smile knowing that the bad things were actually good,
Assisting me in building strength, knowledge and patience.
I don't see people as competition or that I must impress them,
I see them as friends.
I find I love listening to jazz, love to cook,
Love responsibility, family becomes more and MORE important,
Goals and opinions are not concrete because I understand life changes.
I enjoy the news, test the waters,
With friends, prefer wine than passion pop,
With dates, prefer a conversation than a pash.
I catch myself saying, already, "I remember when I was young and...",
I catch myself rolling my eyes when school kids jump on the bus,
I catch myself looking forward to peace and quiet,
I catch myself disapproving what the younger people are up to!
I'm not perfect...
Even so, I still have fun, but not the same fun as when I was younger.
I get a little annoyed, but I don't scream if I don't understand a certain part of life,
Instead I await signs and directions and face it all -
With purpose and a positive destination.
I get behind in bills, I overspend sometimes,
I still make mistakes and in fact, still find life like a maze.
But for some reason this year has surprised me...
I am content inside.
And if when I lay to bed tonight,
I wake up three years older
(For we all know the "getting older faster" feeling!),
I know I'll be just where I'm meant to be,
With who I am meant to be,
How I am meant to be,
And still so very content.
Legally © Cherie Baker 2008 All Rights Reserved.
